Yes, I have been in a long-term committed relationship for the last three years that I was certain would lead to marriage and a happily ever after.
Yes, it has ended.
I've promised countless times to be real with you readers, and this instance should be no different. I've been absent in the world of blogging while spending time mending my heart and tending to my physical and mental health following my breakup. It's been a painful and seemingly endless journey but the sun has finally come out again and I stand on my own accord once more. During my downtime I've found solace in so many things, one being writing. It's such a powerful thing to write down your every emotion, the grievances you have with another, the pain that you feel, and after nights of writing I began to think of the millions of people going through exactly what I was going through. I thought of the countless hearts broken all over the world and realized just how important it would be to create a link, a chain between all of us. How important it would be to know that we share something so difficult but more importantly that we survive it together. So I knew I had to write again, but write for us this time.
I'm no stranger to heartbreak. I've had a decade worth of dating disappointments and there hasn't been a single one that was easy to move on from, but after each ending I have walked away with wisdom gained. I've learned valuable things about myself, about relationships, about dealing with heartbreak, and these are the things I want to share today. It's my hope that these things bring you comfort, encouragement, a sense of community and empowerment.
In no particular order...
- It is OK to be sad. It is OK to be angry. It's important that we don't supress what we're feeling because one way or another you'll have to face those emotions. Better to get it out of the way than bottle it up and let it fester. Deal with it now. Agree that it sucks and then put it to bed.
- You loved before him and you will love after him. Remember the last boyfriend you thought you could never get over and then you did? That's going to happen again. Don't grieve this relationship forever.
- Beyonce helps. Like, a lot. [Lemonade on Repeat]
- The real MVPs of this situation are your friends and family. Spend time with the people who have and always will be there for you. They want you to feel your best. Let them help you get there again.
- STAY BUSY. I know you've heard this time and time again but the best distraction is a packed schedule. Do what you have to do. Take a trip, go to that event, hang out with people, pick up a hobby. Do what you have to do to keep moving. Before you know it you'll look up and months will have passed.
- Rejection is NOT a reflection of your worth. I REPEAT. Rejection is NOT a reflection of your worth. Do not for one second think that you are not good enough, that you are damaged, or that you are not worthy of a happy ending simply because someone cannot recognize the beauty in you. YOU. ARE. WORTHY.
- Dwelling on the what ifs and the could've beens is so unhealthy. We have to hope for a beautiful future and constantly looking at the past will distract you from moving forward. Remember, keep moving.
- "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands..." ...Or boyfriends...or ex-boyfriends...or ex-husbands... Work out ladies, seriously, cardio really does help.
- The only person responsible for your happiness is YOU. Grieving a relationship is a necessity but at some point you have to decide when enough is enough. No one else can do that. YOU have to want it.
- Don't ignore the red flags. There's a reason you feel a particular way about them. The phone face down, the pulling away, the escalating dependence on alcohol, the friends you still haven't met, don't ignore those things. 9 times out of 10 they're the clues to unearthing a bigger problem that needs addressing
- INFIDELITY BY YOUR PARTNER DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE LACKING. [Yes, the all caps were necessary]. Listen, if someone cheats on you, it is NOT because there is something wrong with you. It does NOT mean you are lacking anything. In fact, it's just the opposite. If your partner is unfaithful it is because there's something missing inside of them, there's some kind of internal battle going on with them that they have to work out. And that's all I have to say on that subject.
- Don't be afraid to walk away. You don't need anything in your life that isn't bettering it. If it's hurting you or bringing you down just let it go. You deserve a relationship that lifts you up, encourages you, and enhances your life.
- Beyonce helps. Have I said that already? [To the left, to the left]
- The best revenge is success. Point all of that frustration at something that will boost you. Get your body right, hustle at work, do whatever you need to in order to come out looking and feeling like a champ. Go on brush your shoulders off.
- Pick a mantra, say it daily. From "I can and I will," to "Matthew 6:34," find what inspires you to get up and take on the world then shout it because you're your biggest cheerleader.
- And finally, keep believing in love. Broken hearts can be mended. If you can feel pain it means you're alive. No happily ever after was ever written without a few plot twists along the way. There's a Creator who fashioned you in His image and He loves you unconditionally and He will see you through this and every other obstacle you face.
We're in this together babes. Keep your chin up. I've got your back.